Panic

Will Life Ever Be Sane Again?

So my last entry on the Bengals said something to the effect of "once their offense starts hitting on all cylinders, they'll be very tough to beat". Clearly, that didn't happen last week, and they lost a game they couldn't really afford to lose. A lot of people, myself included, were pretty apoplectic about the roughing the passer penalty on Justin Smith late in the game. Denny Green would have called the play "Bullshit, bullshit!"

Okay, sorry, there are some amazing things on this clip. First, Denny Green sounds like Woody Allen at the beginning of the thing (what, y'know, I mean, the Bears, oh my god y'know). Then, when he smacks the podium, it kind of looks like he's giving it the "train ride" treatment, if you know what I mean. Then, he does this awesome stare down of the room right before he leaves that's a cross between an angry preacher and Ru Paul on the runway. An finally, the PR guy who comes out at the end looks like a host at TGIFriday's explaining that it's gonna be another half-hour before you can get seated. This thing is just great television.

Back to the Bengals. No doubt the call was bullshit (bullshit!), but 13 points against a Bucs D that has struggled all year just isn't going to cut it. This week, the Panthers come to town on a roll, having won their last four straight. Again, the team is banged up with L.Jones, Braham, K.Washington, T.Perry, and C.Henry out. Hopefully Dexter Jackson will get back on the field because the secondary is really gonna need him this week. The Panthers don't have a great running attack, but you really don't need one against the Bengals; and they've been throwing the ball deep a lot since Steve Smith came back. Jackson would stop the bleeding on both of these fronts. On the other side of the ball, Chris Perry's return could spark this offense. He adds another dimension to the offense out of the backfield with his pass-catching ability and really makes the no-huddle sets dangerous. Since the WR position is so banged up, he also may get some reps there. I've been waiting for this guy to play all year, I think he's the missing ingredient for the offense (other than, you know, an offensive line). He may not be ready to make an impact this week, but if he is, the Bengals offense should come around. I think this game will be highly entertaining in an I-might-throw-up-at-any-moment-because-it's-too-intense-and-we-can't-fall-to-3-and-3 kind of way. I expect the Bengals to win, but Good Lord, after last week, who knows. Also, this just in: some prosecutor in Cincinnati has been walking around in the nude in a Government Services Center for about the last five years. His lawyers tried to pin his penchant for going all "Frank the Tank" on the residual effects of a car crash he suffered last year, but apparently, he was also naked in the car when it wrecked. My question is this: If Chris Henry was in the car, would he have thrown up?